GOTHAM NEWS: Olympic coach’s Father-In-Law murdered in Bejing

China doesn’t play.  I was watching the news the other day, and they were talking about how China wants to use the Olympic games to show the rest of the world that they are not just a buncha of high looking, smart midgets that do karate and fight Godzilla….they want to show the world that they are America 2.5…yakno? America if America was Asian…AsiMerica….no?….

In holding the Olympics the Chinese government issued a promise, no…more than a promise…a pinky swear of epic proportions that no harm would come to anybody involved in the games and that everything would go smoother than Stefan Urquelle…

“China wants headlines, China wants your respect…China is more than just a damn fortune cookie,China is Fortune 500 Cookie….take that King Kong!”—Chinese quote that Bats just made up

Unfortunately for China, the top headline so far is the “In-Law” Killer.  Kinda sucks for the first week, China is trying not to look so “Chinese” but wind up getting this over the top ass ninja killer as their first headline…that’s some Master Splinter stinking irony right there?

Some random Chinese man, stabbed a tour guide at this popular ancient spot out there called the Drum Tower, but he only stabbed the tour guide on his way to shanking a man and a woman that just happened to be the In-Laws of American Olympic Volleyball Coach, Hugh McCutcheon, after killing the man, the random killer lept, head first to his death….

so, out of allll the people in China, somebody related to an American coach gets sliced up by some random guy….

…China plays for keeps huh?…

Now I’m not saying that China necessarily had anything to do with it on some kinda conspiracy, Bruce Leroy episode…I’m not saying that at all….I’m just saying….ok, I’m lying, that had to be the first thing to come to mind…this shit smells like Sponge Bob and Aquaman’s love child…

but China says…we need to trust them…

the victims weren’t wearing any apparel or anything special to show that they were associated with or related to anybody dealing with the Olympic games-China

China wants everyone to be clear on that…so even though in the movies we learn that the chinese mafia and spies and ninjas always do covert stalking of their victims before attacking, we’re suppose to just take their word for it…when really the people wearing olympic stuff would have nothing to do with anything, especially since the killer didn’t rob anybody, he just killed for apparently no reason before leaping to his death…we just have to take the Chinese notorious word for it….


but only because I fucks with Pat Morita, r.i.p…

What?…he’s Japanese?

Well, it’s only because I fucks with and wouldn’t mind getting blowed with Harold (John Cho) from Harold and Kumar….

huh?…He’s Korean?

Lucy Lui?

…..yes….Lucy Lui is Chinese…with her sexy ass…

I’ll believe em, after all we only had one major Chinese Terrorism incident in the USA that I can readily think of for the year…so they have to be cool, because according to George Bush, our real enemies, the Irsareli’s attack AT LEAST once a week…minimum…

…There’s only three other possible reasons for this random, over the top killing to have taken place.

A. Bush needed a reason to look human in the news

B. It’s the pilot for the new Rush Hour reality show

C. No reason at all, sometimes it’s just that person’s time to go…

All jokes aside, we know it’s C…though the world is so fucked up these days, ruling out options A. and B. still seems foolish….God damn Hollywood

Todd Bachman was the man knifed to death,

his wife Barbara is in intensive care…

“Our thoughts and prayers are with the victims and their families. And the United States government has offered to provide any assistance the family needs,” —George W. Bush

It is some sad news, definitely, but what else would they expect Bush to say?


I couldn’t imagine going out of town with my family to experience a once and a lifetime event like the Olympics, in a whole other country, only to be killed by a maniac…

Condolences go out to the Bachman family…



About mBATS

Posted on August 9, 2008, in GOTHAM NEWS and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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