GOTHAM NEWS: Guy takes dead friend on joyride, spends his money before reporting death!

We’ve all had one of those nights…yes, “THOSE nights” not to be confused with “THAT night”….See a “THAT” night is reserved for something out of the ordinary and usually in a positive vein.

Guy: Remember ‘THAT’ night?

Friend: Oh you mean the time you….oh yeah

Guy: Yeeeeah…THAT night

Friend: Oh yeeeeeeah…

Guy: Yeeeeeeah

Friend: Oh yeeah

Guy: HELL yeeeeeah

Friend: oh, oh yeaaaaaah

Guy: THAT night I got head from that mermaid! heh 

Friend: …oh wait, you meant THAT night…see I thought you were referring to THAT other night

Guy: eh?

Friend: Yeah, that OTHER night when you let that transvestite stripper put hot sauce on that monkey’s finger then stick it up your rectum…remember, we ate hippopotamus tongue at that restaurant and made jokes that you’d have animal porn in your toilet that night? Remember, OH AND you licked Tommy’s herpes sore that he tried to deny was there, but you showed him showed him…hahaha, that night was incredible man…

Guy: ….

Friend: ….what?…I swear, you never remember THOSE nights do you?

Guy: …….

Yeah, the infamous “THOSE” nights that the Hangover movie got it’s success (and it’s sh!tty sequel) from.  THOSE nights where we barely ever remember the next morning and if we do, we often pretend we don’t just to save face, dignity and options…yes, options because of course THOSE nights never teach us any lessons, at some point we’re back to doing something just as crazy, stupid, daring and dumb again whether it’s that next weekend, that next month or that next year.  C’mon, living without f*ckups, risks and dumb ideas is safe and safes are where we lock up valuables NOT where we have fun with them. Live safe and die bored. #BatFact

Unfortunately for these two guys

Common sense, good judgment and character were obviously locked up somewhere and instead of kept safe, now the fools are facing charges for carelessness (abusing a corpse) if not idiocy..

A man accused of driving around Denver with a dead friend in the back of a car and running up a bar tab on the friend’s account says he thought the man was drunk, not deceased. Robert Young, 43, faces charges including abusing a corpse. He spoke before a court hearing today in Denver, Colorado.—DailyMail

First off, in looking at these two guys, nobody can be TOO TOO surprised that they aren’t the brightest stars in the galaxy. The one on the right (Mark Rubinson) looks clueless, while the one on the left (Robert Young) looks clueless with a dash of disturbed, a tablespoon of paranoia and two cups of stupid.

Yeah, we’ve all had one of THOSE nights where we get to a friend’s house, see he’s passed out on his sofa, not breathing, unresponsive, face all blue and instead of hitting up a hospital, checking his pulse, calling the pigs or slapping him a few good times, we take his credit cards out of his wallet and go on a spending spree at the local bar and strip club. Because you know, when a buddy’s passed out that gives you full permission to steal his sh!t…and besides, dead potnahs LOVE two things especially….burritos and tits.

“Young and Rubinson then put their friend’s body in the back of Mr Rubinson’s car and drove to two Denver bars, named Teddy T’s and Sam’s No 3.  They then went to a Mexican restaurant, Viva Burrito, followed by a strip club named Shotgun Willies.  The men stayed at the strip club until it closed and did not report their friend’s death until 4am on August 28th. “–DailyMail

If any of my close friends are reading this, here’s a heads up….IF you ever find me dead in the crib the following is what you have permission to do

1) YES call the police

2) NO do not fondle me in inappropriate areas

3) YES bring me to the hospital

4) NO I do not want a burrito

5) YES you can use my card to get some money out to buy “jet fuel” to smoke in honor of my death

6) NO you may not use my card to get money for strippers

7) ……ok, YES you can peep some strippers, but NO don’t leave me in the backseat and YES they better be RAW…ugly strippers would do a disservice to the memory of BATS

These cats not only spent the dead man’s money but left him in the backseat while they stopped at not one, but multiple bars before even reporting his death. I really wonder what sparked the light bulb that their friend was dead and not indefinitely passed out. Maybe it was the smell? Don’t dead people sh!t themselves once they cross the pearly gates? Yeah, I hear heaven doesn’t have toilets so as soon as you see the white light, BAM feces surprise for whoever finds your body. If they didn’t notice the smell, then that says a lot to the dead guy’s hygiene. Seriously though, I don’t think anyone is buying their b.s that they didn’t know dude was dead.

YOUNG: “In my mind, I wanted to believe he was passed out. I didn’t want to call 911, I didn’t want to believe he was dead.” —MSNBC

You didn’t want to believe he was dead BUT you go to the strip club with his money AFTER you report it?

Young said he realized Jarrett was dead while leaving the bar and the two men took him back to his home after notifying police. They then went to a strip joint, where Young took $400 from an ATM [using the bank card of the deceased], police said.—MSNBC

See, either way this guy Young is screwed.  If his friend was alive, like he thought, then essentially Young kidnapped his buddy, stole his bank card, charged a whole night of fun to it and right before it was time to get laid, Young realizes that having a passed out buddy in the car won’t get him any pu$$y so they report him dead to avoid having a third wheel to worry about….nothing dries a vagina up quicker than a ‘stiff’.

Wait, hot chicks bang dead guys all the time….Young was trippin, these chicks made careers from it

(Taylor Lautner ain’t dead but his acting skills ARE)

Bad puns aside, Young did have an actual reason that he told the courts as to why he spent his dead friend’s money on booze, burritos and boobs..

“Young said Jarrett [the dead] owed him money”—MSNBC

If I was Young, I’d try and bring up old man Maestas and claim relation. You don’t know who Old Man Maestas is? It’s this cat

Jerry Maestas was booked for misdemeanor.

Apparently, riding around with dead people is that new 2011 in-sh!t and Old Man Maestas started it. He too was caught riding around with a friend without noticing that she was dead.

“Jerry Maestas, 64, who told New Mexico police he did not notice his friend, riding shotgun in his car for three days, was dead.

Maestas, a retired prison guard, didn’t seek help until he noticed his silent friend’s back had turned blue, according to this ABC article. That’s when he pulled into a Espanola, N.M., hospital and asked for a wheelchair for his friend, who he thought was sleeping.” —AJC

Sure the guy is over 60 and was drunk out of his mind riding around “aimlessly for three days” says the report, but if I were Young I’d at least bring up Old Man Maestas as a witness to have my back, make up an illness for it. With all of the illnesses they have right now, how come you couldn’t claim something was wrong with you…even the pigs think that Maestas was nuts
“….[more observant folks immediately noticed an overpowering stench, a horde of flies and the decomposing body of Amy Marquez, 33]. He’s not all there, I guess. I have no confirmation that he has a mental illness but this guy isn’t running on all cylinders,” said Lt. Christian Lopez

Young can’t go for the insanity plea, but why not try to see if he could get diagnosed with “DumbAssery”….he can even use his mug shot, it just may stick.

Funny enough there’s a movie called “Weekend at Bernies” it was a cult hit in the 80’s, here’s the plot synopsis:

“Weekend at Bernie’s is a 1989 American comedy film directed by Ted Kotcheff. A comedy starring Andrew McCarthy and Jonathan Silverman features the two as a couple of young insurance agency employees who discover their boss is deceased. Believing that they are responsible for his death and that a hitman won’t kill them if Bernie is around, they attempt to convince people that he is still alive.—Wikipedia

News reports all over are bringing up the similarities in the stories and pointing fingers and laughing tongues towards Young for the irony in it, what does Young have to say about all of this?

YOUNG:  “It’s not a joking matter. [my dead friend] deserves better than that,” —-MSNBC

….and what’s better for a dead guy than a night out on the town with his buddies, as they drive around on his gas, leave him in the car while they spend up all of his money while his body decomposes in the backseat…..Young definitely wins BFF of the Year

   Rubinson and Young aren’t charged in Jarrett’s death.

The only question now is…what kind of night did the deceased have, nobody could tell how he died, he was found on his couch just chilling and he was only in his 40s…*BAD JOKE ALERT* ….must’ve been a night to die for….*BAD JOKE ALERT* THOSE nights are killer I tell ya



About mBATS

Posted on October 10, 2011, in GOTHAM NEWS and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. I could swear to God the dude on the left looks like somebody I worked with,lol.

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