GOTHAM NEWS: Grocery store worker arrested for serving samples of semen “tainted” yogurt!

My first job was McDonald’s and from working there and many other spots where I’ve had to serve others I know that, hell anyone that’s had these kind of jobs from cashier to waiters to room service can tell you they’ve learned one thing if nothing else: PEOPLE ARE D!CKS.  The nature/character of a person is never more apparent to you than when you’re at their mercy, when you’re being perceived as beneath them.  Sure, not everyone is the same, there are certainly some folk out there with the moral fiber to resist spreading their bottom cheeks and starting a chocolate movement on the person being paid to be their toilet for a few minutes to hours…. but you know how the saying goes…a person is kind, but people are a$$es….a person is smart, but people are collectively can have let a person inside you, letting a whole bunch of people inside you leaves you f*cked.

I say this to say that I can definitely understand this guy Anthony Garcia’s urges to want to bang on a customer. Having been in the position myself of being degraded for a dollar, it’s easier to see that the link between the minimum wage worker and the prostitute is much closer than either of their links or connections to the rich. And the funny part is, half the people with their noses up and buttocks out aren’t even rich,in general, power corrupts even if only held for long enough to hear “Would you like fries with that” and “Thank you have a nice day..”

Thing is with McDonald’s, you could easily get revenge and who would know? Half the time the manager is in the back master debating (gotcha) or watching television, pretending to count money and watching the stories on TV.  As long as no one is complaining or dying the manager doesn’t really care what’s popping in the kitchen of Ronald.  You think food that falls on the floor gets remade?  Is that grease shining on your beef patty or tongue juice? Is that chicken nugget smell or my freshly washed and shaven ball sack? Fast food workers messing over food is a myth eh?

My fault if you’re reading this while eating a double stack or something…it’s cool, you can bless it or something, God got you.
Trust me, I’ve seen (and done) some sh!t, so yeah Garcia you are not alone but, nobody ever thinks of doing such a thing as….

….ok, I’m lying, ni&&as may think it sometimes…but who really does it though?  The disgruntled do exist and we aren’t just occupying wallstreet…thing is, not all of the disgruntled are as stupid as your nasty a$$…

A grocery store worker accused of handing out a semen-tainted yogurt sample at an Albuquerque market pleaded guilty Thursday. Under terms of his plea agreement, Anthony Garcia admitted he tainted a sample of the yogurt he was handing out at Sunflower Market in January. —-MSNBC

First off, let’s take a moment to laugh at the term they’ve used to protect the innocent: “tainted.”

While many porn stars already argue whether to call the area between a man’s balls and his ass the “taint” or not, now they can use the term to explain where their natural nutmeg goes at the end of the shoot. Mark my words, the next big flick on DVD is going to be “TAINT HER FACE” in HD.

“Garcia then approached a female customer and offered her a sample. The woman told police that after tasting the sample, she spit on the floor several times and wiped her mouth on the garment she was wearing to get the taste out of her mouth.” —MSNBC

Back to the idiot.  It’s pervertedly funny enough that he chose to serve his taint-yum-smoothie to a female customer who immediately recognized the taste.  By hook or crook every sexually active woman has either added ‘Baby Sitter’ to the resume of their stomachs or reacted exactly as this woman did and went spit fire oral abortion mode, either way expecting not to get caught after defiling some cultured strawberries, peaches, watermelon or whatever flavor was pretty Radio of Garcia.

If i were that woman I’d go to a doctor, because isn’t yogurt already living? I’m not trying to find out what kinda mutated stuff can happen when mixing live bacteria with, uh..swimming ‘taints’.


“He also admitted putting some of his semen on a plastic spoon that he placed with the yogurt.”—-MSNBC

It takes some precision accuracy to get sperm on a spoon, I mean that’s a skill…effort taken. So, what really drives his particular brand of stupid home is the fact that this was definitely premeditated. Your average guy isn’t going to randomly duck off at his job with a cup of yogurt in hand and jerk off into it just for the sake of it.  Nope, dude was probably kicking it at his casa, getting drunk and talking sh!t with his boys, when ‘SUDDENLY’ *cues dramatic music* he let his boys amp him up into getting arrested. Well nah, he probably didn’t think he’d get caught…thinking isn’t dude’s strong suit and most dummies easily drown in the pressure pool after just a slight peer push.

This is what happens when dumb a$$es listen to d!ckhead friends. Put the two together and you get Garcia’s outcome (heh, out come)

“Investigators collected samples of the woman’s spit from the floor and took the garment she was wearing as evidence. Police say Garcia was linked to the yogurt through DNA samples. Authorities said Garcia then lied to investigators about the case.”—MSNBC
If the pig that had to ask Garcia if he ejaculated into some yogurt held a straight face the whole time, not only as he asked the question, but also while Garcia denied doing it knowing that he had DNA evidence, deserves a freaking medal. Because I would’ve most likely just asked once, then laughed as I handcuffed him and tossed em in the car. They should’ve dressed Maury up in a police uniform and sicc’d him at the yogurt loader like they do on that show Cheaters.

As long as he didn’t get stabbed like the show’s original host, he’d be good

Cop: Mr. Garcia did you taint this delicious fruity treat with your sperm?

Garcia: taint? No
Cop: So you did not impregnate this Yoplait Lite with your Danimals and the samples we’ve collected and had tested and are 100% certain belong to you isn’t really yours?

Garcia: No

Cop: Sir, for the record, you are denying that that these are your seeds in this watermelon sauce?

  Garcia: No…

Cop: Yes, you just admitted..gotcha

Garcia: wait..o….damn


“The criminal conduct to which Anthony Garcia pleaded guilty today is completely outrageous,” U.S. Attorney Kenneth J. Gonzales said after Garcia’s appearance in federal court. “No one should have to endure this type of experience simply because she or he accepts a food sample while shopping for groceries!”—MSNBC

First, take out “this type of experience” and place “my sperm in their mouths” in it’s place and say it out loud.  Some of you will laugh, some of you will be appalled..I’m just saying, that watching a pissed off but very serious U.S Attorney say this to the press would be funny as a sandwich from Satan to hear.

He was so angry, you’d think that the Attorney guy may have had some of that yogurt taint stuff too. If there’s anything to really be pissed about, it’s the fact that because of acts like these more people may become apprehensive to eating samples are stores. Which would send SAMS out of business because that the main reason anyone goes to SAMS over Wal-Mart…free freaking food….aside from that SAMS is pretty depressing looking inside, yah I can get like 50 pop tarts for $5 bucks, but I betcha one thing, I won’t see as much….

….in no damn Sams. #CLUBWALMART ..ol boy face says it all…

And I don’t remember ever getting any sample yogurt at SAMS…or anywhere else….Yah, lady wasn’t too bright herself accepting suspect yogurt from this guy.

Dude should’ve done it in some ice cream, Ben & Jerry’s is coming out with a new flavor called sweaty balls. No, fareal…they’re calling it “Sweaty Balls” nah they aren’t spelling it the same, but c’mon.

Garcia could easily make up his own brand: “Sea Man Crunch” or “Nutty Dix” and blamed it on Ben&Jerry’s. Never underestimate the power that America has put into the LAWSUIT.

To sum it all up, the sensible thing for Garcia to do was to just grab his girlfriend/wifey/boo/FuBu/etc (who hopefully isn’t also cursed with idiocy) and have her do a role play of a customer during sex. Role play, followed by intense smashing is always the perfect remedy to resentment. Trust me, whether she’s dressing up as a police officer, a lawyer, Hurricane Katrina or Sarah Palin…using that same energy that you foolishly wasted in a grocery store rest room stall, broom closet, freezer or wherever you got your rocks off, could have been better spent at home in bed with some pu$$Y  loving. He would’ve gone to work with, pepped up with a Jack Nicholson Joker Grin….

“Garcia faces up to three years of imprisonment to be followed by three years of supervised release.” —MSNBC

…instead it’s his anus that’ll be smiling cheek to cheek, Heath Ledger Joker Style



About mBATS

Posted on October 14, 2011, in GOTHAM NEWS and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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