GOTHAM NEWS: Michael Jackson Has a Bastard SON?!


We all miss the King of Pop Michael Jackson. Honestly, I can’t even say I miss him because his music is still played regularly on radio. Hit an oldies station, listen to it all day and email me your shocked face IF they don’t play at least ONE Michael Jackson song every few hours.  Respect to the king, but let’s be honest, I’m not the only one surprised that none of his children look black. Ok, ok, they’re mixed, but they don’t even look HIS.


These kids look more like the children Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie got rid of to fit all the ones they wanted to adopt.

C’mon, even if dude did have the vitiligo skin condition, his sperm didn’t!


So, I’m not totally surprised with TMZ’s latest “news break” that DNA testing has proven that this guy Brandon Howard, is in fact Michael Jackson’s son.


“There’s a 99.9% chance a 31-year-old man is Michael Jackson’s illegitimate son … at least that’s the claim after an alleged DNA test turned up a match.

According to the test results — obtained by Alki David and his company, — Brandon Howard is almost certainly Michael’s son.  David told TMZ Live he got MJ’s dental impression from a Beverly Hills doctor that he got at an auction.  The impression is 30 years old but David says its filled with DNA.” TMZ


Now, let’s be clear it’s TMZ reporting this. TMZ is entertainment first and news second, meaning that even if the report is a lie, as long as they’re getting ratings, eyes, views, your soul, they are happy as a steak with the ability to still say “moo.”


But it is still an interesting accusation nonetheless and the true story comes when Joe Jackson finally speaks on it. Wait, never mind, the last time Joe Jackson spoke on Michael Jackson having a bastard child, he basically agreed and low key out-ted MJ on a whole other kid charge. #OmerBhatti

Many prayers to Ms. Kathryn whose had to put up with enough family controversy over the years. One thing I give props to is B.Howard denouncing having any involvement with this experiment, even though he could be lying. I’m not even sure he’s human, he looks like a clone, clones lie.

If his daddy isn’t Michael, it has to either be Joe, Tito, Randy, Jermaine, Marlon, Randy or Jesse right? A lot of options and options are always good right?


But let’s say his Moms wasn’t eased on down the Jackson 5 road like a MoTown buffet and this is really true. He’s dreaming if he thinks a music career is what we want to see from MicJack’s curiously big nose lacking bastard child. Hell, check out this video, within the first minute I thought his creepy ass was about to kill the chick. NO LIE, watch the first minute on mute and tell me you don’t expect to see her chopped into pieces on the dance floor by the end of the video. Funny part is, after the first minute he starts being Michael Jackson, minus the swag and cool factor.

See, Michael Jackson had a natural cool about him, a cool that let us forgive half of the batsh!t crazy stuff he said and did. This cat? nah bruh.


He made drinking with midgets look like the coolest thing ever!

Plus seeing B.Howard attempt to be Diet-MicJack would just bring up controversy and unanswerable questions because the main person we’d want to hear answers from is making music with Tupac right now.


Plus Chris Brown would kick his ass, because, well ya know, eating off of Michael Jackson’s swag is kinda his thing. Rihanna looks harder than B.Howard, this would be a massacre.


Breezy is NOT amused

B.Howard’s best bet is to play his “father” in the movie that’s most likely coming out about the true  life of the King of Pop. While the VH1 special will always stay true in our hearts, we live in a world where everything from Robocop to Annie has been rebooted. So hey, let’s get with it.

Good look B.Howard, thanks for POSSIBLY giving us the answer to who the Billie Jean song was really about, even if it now becomes the official deadbeat daddy’s anthem.




About mBATS

Posted on March 6, 2014, in GOTHAM NEWS and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. He looks just like him, who really knows who Michael Jackson slept with are the true number of kids he produced. Everyone wanted a piece of him for their own personal gain and he was
    happy in his own skin. The entire Jackson saga is just another sad example of families that allowed the fame to be their identity.

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