John Edwards does a Bill Clinton (GOTHAM NEWS EDITION)…

Politicians just looooove the pussy, I’ve got to say that. Damn near every year there’s some sex scandal with a politician getting caught up in some vagina casserole.

Hell, look what it did to Harvey Dent…

I think all politicians are crooked lying ass pimps right…and being a crooked lying ass pimp hell yeah you’d lie to your family, you lie to the world every day.  The only problem is, to be a politician you have to have a family and look like you’ve accomplished the things in life the society deems acceptable…Power, Money, Children, a Heterosexual relationship with your spouse and God as well as a love for war…these are the keys to the politician way of being….but how can a pimp have a wife? It’s just not possible, it’s going against nature…

So when I have to post up and report this story on John Edwards, the guy that almost became Vice President before George Bush and John Kerry had sex, and the guy that almost became this year’s Democratic nominee for President, but let the white bitch and the funny named nigga punk his ass out of running because he wasn’t Oprah (powerful black w/ a vagina)

I’m just not surprised in the least bit.

For the record, I’d definitely vote for and attempt to work for Oprah if she became President, the moment me and her would be alone, I’d take a picture, leave, sell it to a magazine, sue her for touching me in naughty places, settle out of court for like 20 million Oprah dollars and get my own reality show….that is the New American way to make it to the top…

by any means necessary…

But yah, why be surprised that John Edwards dipped out on his burger for some fries.  We treat our powerful figures like gods, it’s only natural for them to develop god complexes….you know how much pussy Zeus got?….I don’t mean to get all greek on ya, but in the lore of mythology the writers made the gods seem like people, or rather celebrities/politicians…in the stories normal people were looked down on and the gods did basically what they wanted….Spiderman didn’t come out yet, so nobody had Uncle Ben to give them the “power” and “responsibility” speech…

I think before being elected into office, everybody should get the Spiderman Uncle Ben speech, I know they take an “oath” which is similar, but to hell with the corrupt government’s oath, if a man wants to dip his Cinnamon Bread Stick into the Estrogen Dip ain’t no old piece of paper written by a buncha hypocritical dead guys that use to do the exact same thing is gonna stop him…but Uncle Ben on the other hand? He was Spiderman’s uncle, that’s different, Uncle Ben knew that niggas was gon be niggas, so he gave the speech that kept Spiderman in check forever…”With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility”….

…it’s simple as hell, and honestly it makes you wanna say “DUH NIGGA”, but since the old dude said it and then got murked afterwards, it gave this simple saying some meaning.

That’s the way it has to be done, we find an old highly respected and loved relative of a politician, and right before the politician takes his seat in office, we make that relative give the Uncle Ben speech to him….and then after they get in office, we kill the old mafucka leaving the Uncle Ben speech stuck in the politician’s head forever…THATS THE PLAN

I think Uncle Ben knew all along that bereavement guilt was the best way to keep a powerful man in check…

It worked for Batman,

Spiderman’s bitch ass,

AND even Michael Jackson…and who was Michael Jackson’s mourning over? His dead rat…BEN!

coincidence?…I doubt it…You know a nigga gon do right in office if he knows going in that one of his loved ones is gonna die for him to be there…if he doesn’t, then he deserves to get lynched….yup….sounds fair to me…

Uncle Ben knew, that should go on a T-Shirt….“Uncle Ben Knew…”

And yeah I know Spiderman’s Uncle Ben wasn’t the black guy on the rice box, but hell, I like Uncle Ben’s rice too…and for a black man to get his face on a box of rice, he must’ve been wise too…

…right?….

Back to the subject at hand, the more shit we let our leaders and entertainers slide with, the looser we are with them, the more OVERLY important and superior they are going to feel (even if they dont realize it). Power is one hell of a drug. And when you let this feeling of superiority creep into your mental, what follows is a feeling of invincibility, and when you feel invincible you do dumb shit….

For example, I know if I was invincible the FIRST thing I would do is jump off of a building…

…yup…the shit sounds fun…

John Edwards is human…and in the lives of mere mortals one statement will always stand the test of time…

Oh if he’s a leader he has to make the best decisions“…what leader, or better yet person you know makes 100% great, perfect decisions all the time…and whose to judge a man’s decision?…certainly not another man, because to me even Jesus had a few lapses in judgment a time or two…

I don’t know about you, but I know damn straight that I’m not tryna let no nigga that’s bouta kill me sip up all my wine and eat up all my bread and shit before he does it….nope, and best believe if I only have like 2 pieces of fish, and a loaf of bread…I ain’t about to even think about sharing it w/ like 100 people, superpowers or not, I’m from New Orleans, we go hard for our seafood bruh….Let Jesus be Jesus

If you’re not gonna call me the Messiah, don’t expect anybody else to be…especially not people whose prime way of making it to the top is through deception…

Back to the report…

The rumors were swirling for months that John Edwards was doing him on the side, he lied for months saying it wasn’t him (Like he REALLY was gonna willingly let people who make their living off killing career the truth). The woman is Rielle Hunter, an employee of his that also claims that Edwards may be her baby daddy…

And once again, she wasn’t worth it…I’m not trying to call the lady ugly, I’m just saying if you’re going to have an affair and gamble with your life and power, at least gamble it with a quality dyme…At least then America wouldn’t jump down your throats so hard….look at JFK…the only smart guy to date, he banged Marilyn Monroe ona side, and people still regard him as a hero….why?….because America, the males and the females together all thought in unision….”I’da done it too…”

The only politician in recent years that cheated on their wives with someone that I felt was worth the price of admission was Governor Spitzer…

I mean, I dunno about the rest of the world wide web, but I’d do this Girls Gone Wild almuni (fareal, she was on GGW)

…waaay before wasting my manly man soup on ….

Wouldn’t you agree Spitz?

:YUP

Wait didn’t you pay for pussy Spitz?

:YUP

Nevermind, but Edwards..one of your employees? Fareal?…Democrats, democrats, democrats…haven’t you learned ANYTHING?

Bill Clinton was suppose to be the Martin Luther King Jr., the Jesus, and the Tupac for that getting caught with your pants down in public with an employee shit…he caught that bullet, he was the shining example…If you think that NONE of the employees of powerful people are out to get them caught up, you’re a damn fool.

I swear, Monica Lewinsky is their Virgin Mary and they have clubs and unions designed to take out people of power (you don’t have to believe me, but, obviously they should at least as a ghost story)…This union member, Rielle Hunter is taking it a step further than Monica by throwing a possible kid into the mix…You see, Condoms weren’t invented in Politician Land which leaves us a guarantee that the next politician caught will be the first Senator, Governor or President forced to pay child support to his wife’s hair dresser, Dance Instructor or some shit of the dumbest nature I can’t think of at the moment….I’m counting on it at this point…

: ME TOO!

Remember, James Earl Jones said “Those who do not learn from history, are doomed to repeat it”

And,  though I know James Earl Jones really wasn’t the creator of that term…doesn’t it sound so much cooler in your head coming from Mufasa?

(Or Morgan Freeman for that matter)

Of course John Edwards is saying it’s entirely his fault,

“it was an error in judgement, absolutely my fault”—John Edwards

Of course he’s trying to take it all in like a champ, gotta get this out of the way and done with, let the media have their little overhyped circus now, so later, he can still get that good ass seat in the House that his homie Barack is gonna give him if elected.

…politicians work in mysterious ways, don’t they?

Seriously though, I hope people can begin seeing that we are all human. Condemning the man is a waste of time, he made a common mistake, that people make….treating him like anything more than a person at this point is pretty counter productive….especially since his wife forgives him, according to her this is old news that they’ve been fighting and working through for some time now (remember he only let the cat out the bag himself, before someone else could use it against him)

…If his family forgives him, that’s all that matters….

As a fellow member of the “I fuck up too” Club For Men, John Edwards…we understand, it happens to the best of us…

The only truly screwed up thing about it is that he was cheating on his wife while she was battling cancer…

…wooow….

Damn, Johnny…

Well, it’s a good thing Barack didn’t pick him to be his running mate…imagine the possibilities…

“BREAKING NEWS JOHN EDWARDS BECOMES A BABY DADDY TO APPEAL TO BARACK’S BLACK DEMOGRAPHIC!”-FOX NEWS

-BATS-

  1. Great Blog!……There’s always something here to make me laugh…Keep doing what ya do 🙂

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