Much Ado About R’Ships: Part 2: The Single Man’s Mind
Without giving the long introduction, this is Part II of a three part series I’m doing called ‘Much Ado About Relationships.’ I basically got inspired by seeing this woman’s status ragging on men and felt that folk aren’t seeing the bigger picture, or at least aren’t trying to understand each other. I’m not a woman, so I can’t provide the woman’s insight into women, but I can give a man’s POV on assorted topics in the genre that is MAN/WOMAN. Part I was “Men and Women Are Wired Differently”, you can check it out by clicking here. For this post, we’re going to explore…THE SINGLE MAN’S MIND
THE SINGLE MAN’S MIND
Your average single man is having consistent sex with 1 main woman (sometimes 2 or 3, but definitely 1), while still leaving his penis open to the possibilities for random hookups, fantasy smashes and even future GFs. No matter what he’s telling you, he’s most likely smashing at least one woman.
What IS single?
Really though, I’m never entirely sure of this answer because people are always involved in some way with another person. Are we ever completely, w/o baggage single?
From a man’s POV: ‘Single’ for women is a holding pattern until they can find their next boyfriend. Yes, there are women that love the thrill of being single, but many have basically been conditioned to have a mate (females are raised from birth to be wives, seriously 5 yr olds raising baby dolls?). The only exception are those women that really love being alone. There’s a growing sect of females that would rather be with and work on self instead of putting energy into anything or anyone else, some even play the game and tend to think like men.
sidebar: I respect the hell outta Beyonce, black woman running the game #bowing….but you know she’s made a career from exploiting the pains of single women while she enjoys the boyfriended/married life? She’s been with Jay-Z since she was 19, while making MILLIONS for years off of anti-men and single lady hits…sh!ts funny.#HustlinHustlin
Seriously though, much respect to the women that don’t want anybody, do your thing….but back to the ones that do. Single for many man means opportunity and opportunity can go either way, not sweating it at all, whether for a relationship or just to d!ck dip into as many dressings as possible (men are raised from birth to provide…and conquer…being a husband kinda gets glossed over).
There ARE men out there that use their single time to just date ONE woman at a time hoping to find the right one. Like my dude @Kloud_Stryfe, (I’ve known kid for a decade) is getting married in a few months and he’s always been like this, he’s never really played the field because that’s never been his thing (he’d prolly suck at it anyway lol). ONE WOMAN MAN whether single, girlfriended or engaged. These kind of guys DO EXIST contrary to some femalien’s belief. What the ‘playboy’s’ mind is wired to process as easy, these guys see juggling women as an undesirable hassle. They appreciate the priceless complex simplicity and fulfillment that comes with building the strongest connection possible with one person and watching it blossom. More than any man, from the super good boy extreme to the dirtiest of the dirty dogs, the guys that go after one woman at a time even while they are single practice the #RESPECTYOURD!CK mantra to the utmost.
**********FOR THE RECORD*********
#RespectYourD!ck: Movement devoted to educating of young men in the same vein that women are brought up to choose who they have sex with wisely, if at all….boys to men should have the same level of respect for themselves and their penises as well.
FAITHFUL MAN is like the superhero of men, he should get his own cartoon and comic book. The first male comic hero for women.
SO while… (in my Mr.Obvious voice) there are JUST AS MANY if not more men that look at being single as a time to have sex with whoever they feel, the point is to not ignore that IF the right (i.e right for HIM) woman pulls him in to the point that he develops real feelings for her then it’s a go, but only if he naturally falls in. Nothing a woman will say, no guilt trip, tricks or games will get a man to only be with her until he’s ready (this will be repeated into redundancy until it sinks in). I don’t care if you pretend to be whatever he says he wants you to be, much like a girl losing her virginity, if he ain’t ready he won’t budge. I don’t care if you make him wait a million years for the sex, IF he ONLY wants you for sex, then that story has two guaranteed endings anyway
1) He kisses your a$$, plays his part and feigns thoughtfulness for as long as you need him to until you give in.
2) Wait for you while getting it elsewhere until you give in
Give in and he’s not interested and you’ll either be used or dropped just as quickly as you thought the girl that gave it up to him “too fast” got dropped (if she even got dropped). When to have sex depends on the guy, the girl and their chemistry, there is NO exact science to it, STOP trying to create one.
Many women tend to call men “whores” for having sex with more than one woman …many men just call that being single. It goes back to that wiring in a man’s head I was talking about earlier. Until a man is truly in love (maybe?), MEN’s brains don’t process sex as anything more than just fun, like playing PlayStation or getting on a roller coaster. How many men you know catch feelings for his PS3? Yeah, he may be a little attached to it because of the fun it provides, but it’s no where near as fulfilling as spending time with a person.
No wait,I want that to really process and set in.
The only time sex means more than sport to a man is after he’s already developed feelings for the woman. Most women don’t get it, even more won’t accept it (there’s that term again) but that’s just the bare bones about it. Unless this man lies to you about having sex with other women, calling him a whore is just an unnecessary insult that doesn’t even resonate with most men, because we simply don’t care to find it insulting….
****FOR THE RECORD******
Hoe: A woman is only a hoe if she sleeps with a man for the sole purpose of gaining status, money and/or perks or (and this one is more on principle than by definition) if she doesn’t have the class to not have sex with guys that are close friends of each other or relatives. Sex for any other reason is her own damn business.
How to capture a man’s heart? Friendship, which only comes through chemistry tested by time. If the chemistry isn’t there you can’t force it and best believe he’s probably still going to try and have sex with you, don’t get wrapped in the hype #believeThat. If a man hasn’t reached the level of maturity to be ready for a relationship, then even catching his ‘heart’ is a waste of time, because he’ll probably just keep you around for comfort while he still does his ‘dirt’ (which as long as he’s single, he won’t consider it being ‘dirt’ anyway).
Some deserve Oscars
Some cats out there will just play along, have you believe that they are with you but are really only kicking it in order to get consistent sex until he finds someone he really wants to be with. They’ll do things for you to build credit, then use said credit as “proof” that he cares, that he’s worthy, that you should trust him. Trust this, you can tell by a man’s actions if he’s into you for you. You can think about what he does or has done for you, the things he does to make you feel special and appreciated, the spark that even he can’t deny, laughter shared, secrets, etc. Look at these things, feel them out, do you really talk to each other or does he just listen or do you just monologue each other into submission? Is he there for you even when you’re sick, or only when you aren’t on our period? Some of these things are so obvious to some, but when you’re sprung, the brain is numb. I have a logic box that I pull out just in case I feel like my emotions are overriding my actions. I write down the problem, I write objective solutions, then I write how my current state of mind plans on handling said situation. If my current mind is too far out of line with the objective solutions, then maybe I’m caught up and need to evaluate some stuff. If you are consistently striking out and getting the wrong guy, it’s time to start pulling out that logic box. Pull it out and watch the wins start piling on.
Jugglers have hearts…
And yes, even the ‘players’ and the ‘jugglers’ deep down do want to be with one girl. Will they cheat? Some do, some don’t, they are only playing the field until they are struck by that one that they click with on a higher level than anyone ever. And yes, it has to strike them as that serious, because when you’re talking to a high volume of women, the one that gets you has to STRIKE you.
Juggling women is not as fun as some would have you believe. It has it’s perks and it’s a definite ego filler but at the end of the day there is no fulfillment in it. If you’re a man juggling 3 women, that’s 3 different personalities, 3 different mood swings to contend with, 3 different expectations, 3 different places your $ can be sucked, 3 different people’s psyche’s you’re probably damaging and worst of all 3 different distractions from bettering yourself. Even through the good times, how can you really focus on getting your SELF together if you have 3 different people pulling time and life from you. It can be fun, but all to what end? Unless you’re the guy that just has sex with chicks and stops talking to them (see: Mr.Lonely Man), you end up becoming a slave to the “game” because your time isn’t yours. Your life isn’t yours because you’re constantly booking time for all these women and you’re wasting everyone else’s time because when you know, at the end of it, all three of these women are in it to be with ONE person, so what’s the end game? Yeah, you can be like “f*ck these chicks and what they want, it’s all about me” but how many years can you maintain this lifestyle of building up teams, f**cking until none of you can take it anymore, cutting them off and rebuilding again, it’s wasteful energy. All of us have to grow to learn this, (ONCE AGAIN) without a certain level of maturity a man can not be in a relationship with you. Everyone has their own time.
If you’ve caught feelings for all three girls then you’ve really effed up and this does happen. Having feelings for more than one person is the worst because now you’re not just at the whim of one person emotionally, which is dangerous enough, but multiple. Most of these guys like to have a main chick that is basically the one he’ll be with when he’s “ready.” The secondary chick, who he either may like as much his ‘main’ but for loyalty’s sake he won’t ever put above his ‘main’ unless he and his #1 completely falls out OR he may just not like her as much as his main, but her company is a cool enough alternative for when he doesn’t want to be bothered with his ‘main’. If the single guy has a third or fourth person in the bunch he is either just having sex with them with no emotional ties or is being greedier than his usual greedy (because multiple chicks IS being greedy) and is trying to set up back ups to his main and secondary. These cats do NOT see this as being greedy, they see it as being SINGLE and in the pursuit of one, why not get to know a few? It’s like the guy equivalent to the fact that women don’t approach men, but get approached by countless men a day, in a way a woman becomes a juggler depending on the amount of guy she gives her number out to and gets to know. So for this kind of single man, it’s like covering more ground by splitting up, except you’re basically splitting yourself up. This guy is doing all of this juggling with really only one strong emotional tie, if he falls for all of em, or even just more than one of em, his entire foundation is done. Looking back, I know when I was this guy I wouldn’t have gotten myself into all of the stress, as well as heart ache for all involved (myself included) if I would’ve just concentrated on one girl at a time…but still, my mind hadn’t grown to even be satisfied with that kind of lifestyle. It takes a deep and thorough connection and discipline for your average man to be totally satisfied with one woman, whether sexually, mentally, emotionally, however you spin it, many men STRUGGLE with this, but more on that in the “The Cheating Man’s Mind.”
I found solace in honesty, because I never lied about my intentions to any girl I dated (or juggled). They knew they weren’t the only one and I left it up to them as to whether they’d ride it out or fly away. Some women reading may think these girls were dumb, but honestly you’d have to be in the situation, plus on top of that you’d be surprised just how open a person can be if you keep it absolutely 100 with them from the beginning. At times, women may just want to have fun as well and aren’t looking for anything deep, until Cupid strikes that a$$.
Most rode until they couldn’t take it anymore, others rode until I dropped em off…either way, I was ignoring the fact that people’s feelings will lead them to do things and have faith in ways that can even be harmful to themselves, it’s all a gamble that pays off for some and destroys others and in the pursuit of happiness (see: LOVE) people will jump out of a window on Mars (and more, click here) to take that chance and win that gamble.
When you’re in the position to know that you have no interest in someone, leading them on is more wasted energy and time that neither person gets back (as well as pain that didn’t need to happen, but hey once again #NoRainNoWisdom). When you get your own feelings involved with multiple people, the web becomes even more static. Only through experiences and personal realizations can anybody man or woman see the true nature of their own foolishness. However a man handles his business, whether through juggling or one woman at a time, you can’t fully judge him until he’s in a relationship with you, that’s the only time you’ll get the real him for better or for worst. Bottom line though, as previously stated, a man will be SINGLE as long as his mind allows, you cannot push the issue and the more pressure you apply the worse it’ll be. Have confidence enough in yourself that you’re that much of a treasure, that much of a BEAST that your energy cannot be resisted, if ya’ll don’t work out…then you weren’t suppose to work out (ACCEPT IT!), not everyone is meant for everyone. If he wants to be single (especially if he’s showing this through his ACTIONS #F*ckWords), go LET THAT MAN BE SINGLE (and don’t berate him, he’s doing what’s natural to him either way)….and you find someone whose ready for what you want. Don’t fool yourself…fooling people leaves them in the punchline, fooling self means the jokes only on you…..
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